As The Metrobus Turns: Open Letter Edition

An open letter to the tall blonde lady at the bus stop this afternoon.

Dear Madam,

I see you over there with a coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I'm quite the coffee drinker myself, and though I do not smoke it is your right to inhale whatever noxious toxic addictive legal chemicals while in the open that you so desire. Far be it from me to criticise an unhealthy habit as I stand here in my obesity.

What I can and will criticise is your entirely selfish, nigh-infanticidal decision to perform these actions while pregnant, and visibly so. What you do to your body is quite your own decision, but you are carrying an innocent life inside you which cannot speak for itself. What gives you the right to poison your offspring? Is your addiction more important to you than your own child?

I wish you a healthy baby. Very healthy. In fact I hope your baby is 32" long and weighs in at 18 pounds. I hope he or she splits you from asshole to breakfast time. After which, I hope a nervous intern takes 4 hours to stitch you up. Finally, I hope your very healthy baby leaves you as tight as my pants would be on a supermodel.

You deserve it.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network